Off the bat, if you’re unemployed, and living off the system, for any more than a couple months, I probably resent you. It’s true, I don’t mean to, but it bothers me. You have great experience, you have a good resume, great skills, but you sit on your lazy ass and do nothing so you can live off the system, and presumably MY tax money, and collect under the table.

This drives me. Absolutely. Fucking. Insane. WHY?!?! Why do you tax the economy, and people, and your friends, who all pay into their taxes, and simply not try?!? Okay, so if you’re someone who IS trying, this post is not about you. But if you’re a hipster douche who’s out on tuesday nights because you don’t have to work on a wednesday, and you’re getting enough money through unemployment to drink…

Then yes, I hate you. And I’m not afraid to say it. Because obviously everyone else in your life is holding back, but I promise, they hate you too.

So, I know what you’re thinking. No one actually thinks they look hot in sweats. I mean, right? Yet every FUCKING day, walking through Penn Station or walking through Manhattan Mall, (on my lovely reverse commute to New Jersey)I see some chick in sweats who thinks she’s hot. Is this really just a Jersey thing? Can it be the whole state thinks that they can wear sweats out and this is OKAY and APPROPRIATE clothing to encounter the public in?!

Okay okay, so maybe they’re  like, oh, I look athletic. Or, oh, I look like I’m too hip for jeans, or some such incoherent bullshit. What you actually look like is someone too lazy to put on actual clothes,  or who just rolled out of bed, and you definitely under no circumstances look cute. Especially you, you in the UGGs, you definitely ruined sweats for the rest of us, which would like them to be acceptable to and from our apartment to the gym. But no, you’ve now we just look like an asshole, because you’ve labeled us as so by trying to make gym gear a fashion statement.

Ladies of NYC, and the world, would you please stop wearing sweats out? Its weird, its not real clothing, and if you’d take the same care with your clothing as you do with your awful stripey hair dye, maybe we could reclaim sweats for the gym. Because you’re not even going to the gym with your UGGs and Gucci shades, lets be honest.

Oh, and you’re not J-Lo either. She’s a megastar, she can wear what she wants, stop trying! You do not look like her. I repeat: You do not. Look like. J-lo. Wear pants.

This is a public service announcement to everyone who thinks wearing a sweatsuit out in public is fashionable. Find jeans. Purchase Jeans. Wear them. Plz. Thx.